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    • E. Christian Brugger, D.Phil. – E. Christian Brugger is a Senior Fellow of Ethics and Director of the Fellows Program at the Culture of Life Foundation in Washington, D.C. and the J. Francis Cardinal Stafford Professor of Moral Theology at St. John Vianney Theological Seminary in Denver, Colorado. He has Master degrees in moral theology and moral philosophy from Seton Hall, Harvard and Oxford Universities and received his D.Phil. (Ph.D.) in Christian ethics from Oxford in 2000.  Christian has published over 200 articles in scholarly and popular periodicals on topics in bioethics, sexual ethics, natural law theory, as well as the interdisciplinary field of psychology and Christian anthropology.  He lives on a farm in Evergreen, Colorado, with his wife Melissa and five children.
    • Helen Alvaré, J.D. – Helen Alvaré, J.D. is Honorary Fellow in Law at the Culture of Life Foundation.   Helen is an Associate Professor of Law at the George Mason University School of Law in Arlington, Virginia where she teaches and publishes in the areas of property law, family law, and Catholic social thought. Professor Alvaré serves as Consultor for the Pontifical Council for the Laity, Senior Fellow at the Witherspoon Institute where she chairs the Conscience Protection Task Force, is President of the Chiaroscuro Foundation and most recently Editor and Co-Author of Breaking Through: Catholic Women Speak for Themselves.From 2000 to Spring 2008, Professor Alvare taught at the Catholic University Columbus School of Law. Professor Alvare also lectures widely in the United States and Europe on matters concerning marriage, family and respect for human life. She is a consultant to ABC News and to the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops’ (USCCB) Marriage and Pro-Life Committees. In 2008, Pope Benedict XVI named Professor Alvare a Consultor to the Pontifical Council for the Laity.From 1987-2000, Professor Alvare was an attorney with the USCCB’s General Counsel Office and director of information and planning for the Secretariat for Pro-Life Activities. In these positions, she testified before the…
    • Jennifer Kimball Watson, Be.L. – Jennifer Kimball Watson joined Culture of Life Foundation as Executive Director in November of 2007. She is an Adjunct Professor of Bioethics at the Ave Maria School of Law in Naples, F.L.. Previous to her work with the Culture of Life Foundation Jennifer was a Wilbur Fellow of the Russell Kirk Center for Cultural Renewal located in Michigan. Jennifer earned a Licentiate in Bioethics from the Pontifical Athenaeum Regina Apostolorum School of Bioethics in Rome.  Her prior undergraduate studies were in International Administration and Government Policy at the Evergreen State College in Washington State.Jennifer’s areas of specialization include Eugenics in Artificial Reproductive Technologies, Heterologous Adoption and Transfer of Embryos, The Womb in Reproductive Technologies, and the Role and Significance of The Medical Act. She interviews with National Conservative and Christian Radio Syndicates as well as several foreign and secular reporters. Jennifer has spoken on the dignity of women and women’s social issues to various audiences since 1999 and has spent several years in advocacy work with various international organizations in the field of life sciences. From 2000 to 2006 she recruited and coordinated grass-roots social policy efforts that consisted of a public and private sector network of professionals and academics…
    • Margaret Datiles Watts, J.D. – Margaret Datiles Watts, J.D., is Culture of Life Foundation’s Associate Fellow in Law. Maggie is member of Washington, D.C. and Maryland bar associations.  She holds a B.A. in Philosophy (Phi Beta Kappa and Magna Cum Laude) and a Certificate in Classical Philosophy from the University Honors Program at The Catholic University of America. She earned a Juris Doctorate from Columbus School of Law at The Catholic University of America, where she served as a Research Fellow at CUA Law’s Marriage Law Project. She also studied Roman Law and EU Law at Magdalene College, University of Oxford, England.A former Fellow and Staff Counsel for Americans United for Life, Datiles co-authored an amicus curiae brief to the Supreme Court of the United States in the landmark partial birth abortion case, Gonzales v. Planned Parenthood, et al., companion case to Gonzales v. Carhart (2007). She also advised legislators, policy groups and the media (radio and newspapers) on abortion and bioethics laws and drafted pro-life model legislation.Her areas of research and/or publication include legal issues surrounding abortion, government funding restrictions for abortion, contraception, healthcare rights of conscience, stem cell research, artificial reproductive technology, population decline, physician-assisted suicide, euthanasia, and same-sex marriage.She currently publishes articles…
    • William E. May – William E. May is Senior Research Fellow of the Culture of Life Foundation and emeritus Michael J. McGivney Professor of Moral Theology at the John Paul II Institute for Studies on Marriage and Family at The Catholic University of America in Washington, D.C., where he taught the academic years from 1991 through 2008 after teaching for 20 years at The Catholic University of America. He is the author of more than a dozen books. The 2nd edition of his Catholic Bioethics and the Gift of Human Life was published by Our Sunday Visitor (2008), and a substantively revised 3rd edition is scheduled for publication in 2013. In 2003 Our Sunday Visitor published a revised and expanded edition of his Introduction to Moral Theology. Among his other books are: Marriage: The Rock on Which the Family Is Built (San Francisco: Ignatius, 1995; 2nd revised edition, 2009)); and, with Ronald Lawler OFM Cap and Joseph Boyle, Catholic Sexual Ethics (rev. and enlarged ed. Huntington, IN: Our Sunday Visitor, 1998; 2nd rev. edition, 1998; a 3rd edition, substantively revised by May alone, was published in 2011); Theology of the Body: Genesis and Growth (Boston: Pauline Books & Media, 2010) He has published more…
    • Frank J. Moncher, Ph.D. – Dr. Frank Moncher received his Ph.D. in Clinical-Community Psychology from the University of South Carolina in 1992, following which he spent several years on faculty of the Medical College of Georgia, with a focus on Adolescent Intensive Services. In 2000 he moved to the Washington, DC area to teach at a graduate school of psychology which had a mission of integrating the science of psychology in the context of the Catholic Christian view of the human person. Concurrent with this, over the past 12 years he has consulted with 11 different religious orders and 4 dioceses to provide psychological evaluations of aspirants and candidates, as well as consulting with different diocesan marriage tribunals.His research interests include the integration of Catholic thought into psychotherapy, child and family development issues, and integrated models of assessment of candidates for the priesthood and religious life. Frank is published in Families in Society: The Journal of Contemporary Human Services, Adolescence, Journal of Interpersonal Violence, Edification, and the Journal of Psychology and Christianity, as well as contributing to several book chapters on children, families, and religious issues.Since 2010, Dr. Moncher has worked for the Diocese of Arlington and Catholic Charities as a psychologist and consultant.  His…
    • Steve Soukup – Fellow in Culture and Economy Steve Soukup is the Vice President and Publisher of The Political Forum, an “independent research provider” that delivers research and consulting services to the institutional investment community, with an emphasis on economic, social, political, and geopolitical events that are likely to have an impact on the financial markets in the United States and abroad. Mr. Soukup has followed politics and federal regulatory policy for the financial community since coming to Washington in 1996, when he joined Mark Melcher at the award-winning Washington-research office of Prudential Securities. While at Prudential, he was part of the Washington team that placed first in Institutional Investor magazine’s annual analyst survey for eight years in a row. Mr. Soukup left Prudential with Mr. Melcher to join Lehman Brothers in the fall of 2000 and stayed there for two years, before leaving early in 2003 to become a partner at The Political Forum. While at Lehman, Mr. Soukup authored macro-political commentary and followed policy developments in the Natural Resources sector group, focusing on agriculture and energy policy. He also headed Lehman’s industry-leading analysis of asbestos litigation reform efforts. At The Political Forum, Mr. Soukup was initially the editor and junior partner,…
    • Dr. Pilar Calva, M.D. – Dr. Calva is a medical doctor specializing in Human Genetics with a Cytogenetics subspecialty from The University of Paris, France. In Paris, she was the under-study to the world-renowned Professor Jerome Lejeune, who is considered by some to be the father of modern genetics. In 1958, Lejeune discovered that an extra 21st chromosome is responsible for Down syndrome, or Trisomy 21. Lejeune dedicated his life tirelessly and unfailingly to defend the unborn, especially those with Down syndrome, testifying before scientific conferences and lawmakers. He was appointed by Pope John Paul II as the first President of the Pontifical Academy for Life. In Dr. Calva’s own words: When I arrived in France, I lived a life divided between faith and reason. I thought that from Monday to Saturday, I put on my white coat for my scientific tasks, and Sunday was the day I took off the white coat, put on my crucifix and dedicated myself to my religious duties. Professor Lejeune truly converted me, making me see that one can wear the white coat and the cross, at the same time. That is, one can fly with the wing of faith and the wing of reason. Inspired by the life…
    • Elyse M. Smith – Elyse M. Smith is an associate attorney with a northern Virginia law firm working in nonprofit and church law, estate planning, and civil litigation. Ms. Smith graduated magna cum laude from Ave Maria School of Law in Naples, Florida, where she served on Law Review and was published in the Ave Maria International Law Journal. She was named “Most Dedicated Editor” for her work on Law Review. Ms. Smith earned her bachelor’s degree in Foreign Affairs from the University of Virginia.  
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  >  Issue Briefs  >  Marriage & Family  >  No Family Member Left Alone for the Holidays

No Family Member Left Alone for the Holidays

Posted: December 19, 2013
By: Frank J. Moncher, Ph.D.
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The spinster aunt, the divorced uncle whose children seem never to visit him, the cousin who was always a “little off,” the widow whose family members live several states away, the 20-something brother who is wrapped up in a lifestyle that eschews family contact, the 30-something sister whose rising career leaves no time to visit home…  And the list goes on.   Most of us can identify at least one or two of these scenarios in our own families, and with the holidays here, it may be an ideal time to make efforts at breaking through the disconnection and distance in some of these family relationships. 

The incessant consumerism which has engulfed society causes too many of our friends and family to lose the “reason for the season.”  Sadly, this vacuum is often filled with increased stress, emotional distress and substance abuse.  Some of these stresses are rather superficial and self-induced—worries about finding the perfect gift or which parties to attend, etc.  Other stresses, however, are deeper and occur more naturally, as we are inherently drawn during the holidays to reflect on those who are missing from our lives—either through death, distance, or some emotional estrangement.  It is these latter stresses which require a more profound response to address adequately because they touch a foundational aspect of the human condition: the need to affiliate with others, to be seen, to be known, and to be loved.
 
To reach those missing from our lives, we must be willing to reach out.  And reaching out is often hard.  Forgiveness, even unspoken, unilateral forgiveness—the kind which is unknown to the forgiven—is often the key.  It can be powerfully healing for a relationship.

The need for companionship, for personal closeness, is a universal truth, but it can be a particularly poignant truth for those who are suffering, whether that suffering be physical, emotional, financial, from the loss of a special relationship, or simply a loss of direction in life.  Of course, it does little good to force oneself on others who are not interested or open to contact, but in my experience working with clients in the counseling room, it is far more often the case that people hesitate to reach out rather than find themselves, in retrospect, having pushed too hard.  Often, there is someone out there who is hoping, aching for someone to reach out to them.  Understandably, it is difficult to risk the potential rejection or perhaps even harsh words one might hear should he or she go against the inertia, the politically-correct silence, under the guise of wanting not to intrude.   Yet, the potential long-term benefits of taking such a risk far outweigh the temporary pain or discomfort that might come from a feared rebuff. 

The importance of taking the steps needed to ensure that No Family Member is Left Alone can be understood at multiple levels. First and foremost, is the good of that person.  Loneliness is difficult; chronic loneliness can lead to feelings of despair and experiences of depression.  Because of the mythical joy of the holiday season and the expectation that all be of good cheer during this “most wonderful time of the year” (which for people of Christian faith, it indeed is), the impact of loneliness is exacerbated when comparisons are made.  Second, we should consider that efforts to increase a sense of community, even if only in our own family or small circle of friends, have benefits for the common good.  Although more difficult to prove, it would seem that goodwill fostered in any relationship will be potentially passed along to others, and cascading “random acts of kindness” could ensue.  Third, the person who reaches out will experience his or her own benefits.  Actions which involve risk and sacrifice done for an objective good are understood to be in accord with our human nature, and, as such, naturally enhance our personal sense of meaning and worth.

On a more practical level, the Mayo clinic staff, in their tips for coping with holiday stress, emphasize this need for recognizing and facilitating connections with others.  They encourage reaching out and seeking community with others through volunteering or reconnecting with existing social groups, setting aside differences with family or friends, and acknowledging the pain of lost relationships if someone significant has recently died or moved beyond one’s reach.  Again, the common theme here is how critical are personal relationships to healthy functioning. 

So in this time of year when many are focused on the hustle and bustle of the holidays, rather than pondering the holy days from which they have been taken, consider spending increased time with family and friends, and consider also seeking out those who might be “the least of your brothers,” those who come to mind not so quickly, not so easily or without welcome and warm feelings.  It is especially they who need a touch, a contact, a reminder of their dignity, of their worth, and that they, too, are deserving of love. 
 

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The spinster aunt, the divorced uncle, the 20-something brother who is wrapped up in a lifestyle that eschews family contact… With the holidays here, it may be an ideal time to make efforts at breaking through the disconnection and distance in some of these family relationships.
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